Ok I'm going through the emotions like I change my socks......I've been SOOOOOO angry today!! Not with everyone or the world...just with the soon to be ex!!
We are just over a week away from him moving out and the closer it gets the madder I get!! I honestly thought that we would go through our "rough patch" together and he would see the light and realize what he's about to lose and change how he acts and treats me and then we'd make up and move on and keep our family together!! But as its turning out that is NOT the case!! He has gotten worse!! Every word out of his mouth is something bad against me, there is nothing that I can do right. I get accused contantly of cheating, so much so makes me wish I really had so at least it would be true!!
Ok well I think I'm going to leave this entry short and sweet as this anger is just taking over and I"m not liking it!!!
So we had sadness the other day, angry today, I wonder what tomorrow will bring?? I hope whatever it is has vodka with it, i think I might need it!!
Thursday, 19 January 2012
Tuesday, 17 January 2012
Staying Positive!!
Normally I am a "glass half full" kinda girl...but today I'm totally feeling like a "glass half empty" kinda girl!!!!
Things just seem so grim, horrible with no light at the end of the tunnel!! The smart part of me tells me to buck up, put my big girl panties on and get on with my day and my life and that everything happens for a reason and will be alright!!
My relationship with "hubby" is done, fineto, finished, caput, over....it sucks SO much!!!! It was my decision and he wasn't happy about it, but I am pretty sure its the right decision...I'd be lying if I said I was 100% sure...I don't think there is much in life I am 100% about, besides loving my kids! I could go on and on about the things he's done or said and paint him to be just awful (hence why we are splitting)....but that would be boring!!
Make no mistake I take 50% of the blame too...ok well maybe not 50% that seems a little high lol....but point is I know I'm not saint (I know your shocked right!!). I can be a class "A" bitch when I want to be, however I feel that the majority of the time my actions are more of a reaction rather then just "because".....
Anyways, back to the current situation....Hubby, or ex-hubby I guess his new name will be is moving out in 2 weeks, half of me is so extremly super happy to have him gone and have peace and feel comfortable in my house, and the other half of me is so extremely upset and distraught that my family is destroyed, that he won't be here anymore to share the dumbest things with or even just talk about whats for dinner with. I feel so so so so so guilty that my kids won't have their dad here everyday, and its 100% my fault, I chose this life, not them!! I made this decision to make myself happy, don't get me wrong I truly believe they'll be happy if I'm happy and that they wouldn't be happy living in a house of arguing all the time......BUT it still remains they are the ones who are going to be punished!! They are the ones losing their dad full-time!!
I know there are weekend visitations and he can come see them in the week, but its not the same not in the very least!!
My other big wallow is....WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME???? Why can't I find someone who loves me unconditionally, wants to spend the rest of their life with me (by their own choice)....I've now done this TWICE...yes folks I said TWICE!! My oldest, who is 9, he is with my first so called "hubby"...and then my younger two (6 & almost 2) are with current soon to be "ex-hubby".....you think I would have learned the first time but apparently I have been hit on the head with the stupid stick and do not learn!!
Ok well....that is my rant/vent of self pitty and wallow......here's hoping tomorrow the glass is half full!!!
Things just seem so grim, horrible with no light at the end of the tunnel!! The smart part of me tells me to buck up, put my big girl panties on and get on with my day and my life and that everything happens for a reason and will be alright!!
My relationship with "hubby" is done, fineto, finished, caput, over....it sucks SO much!!!! It was my decision and he wasn't happy about it, but I am pretty sure its the right decision...I'd be lying if I said I was 100% sure...I don't think there is much in life I am 100% about, besides loving my kids! I could go on and on about the things he's done or said and paint him to be just awful (hence why we are splitting)....but that would be boring!!
Make no mistake I take 50% of the blame too...ok well maybe not 50% that seems a little high lol....but point is I know I'm not saint (I know your shocked right!!). I can be a class "A" bitch when I want to be, however I feel that the majority of the time my actions are more of a reaction rather then just "because".....
Anyways, back to the current situation....Hubby, or ex-hubby I guess his new name will be is moving out in 2 weeks, half of me is so extremly super happy to have him gone and have peace and feel comfortable in my house, and the other half of me is so extremely upset and distraught that my family is destroyed, that he won't be here anymore to share the dumbest things with or even just talk about whats for dinner with. I feel so so so so so guilty that my kids won't have their dad here everyday, and its 100% my fault, I chose this life, not them!! I made this decision to make myself happy, don't get me wrong I truly believe they'll be happy if I'm happy and that they wouldn't be happy living in a house of arguing all the time......BUT it still remains they are the ones who are going to be punished!! They are the ones losing their dad full-time!!
I know there are weekend visitations and he can come see them in the week, but its not the same not in the very least!!
My other big wallow is....WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME???? Why can't I find someone who loves me unconditionally, wants to spend the rest of their life with me (by their own choice)....I've now done this TWICE...yes folks I said TWICE!! My oldest, who is 9, he is with my first so called "hubby"...and then my younger two (6 & almost 2) are with current soon to be "ex-hubby".....you think I would have learned the first time but apparently I have been hit on the head with the stupid stick and do not learn!!
Ok well....that is my rant/vent of self pitty and wallow......here's hoping tomorrow the glass is half full!!!
Friday, 13 January 2012
Naked Princess!!
Can someone tell me WHY my daughter feels the need to get completely buck naked almost every night in her bed!! She goes to sleep fully dressed and in a diaper and nice and tucked in...go in and check on her a few ours later she has no pj's, no diaper and cuddled all sweet in her blankets!! It wouldn't be so bad if she didn't PEE the bed by morning!!
AHHH I changed her sheets TWICE today because she seemed to do it multiple times today!!!
She frustrates me!!!
Tonight she is sleeping with her sleeper inside out hoping that she stays dressed...my fingers and toes are crossed!!!
On a side note...tomorrow I'm taking my boys to skate with the Canucks!! We are suppose to see Kelser, Burrows, Schneider, Raymond & Hodgson....and right after taking them to a Giants game...its a saturday FILLED with hockey!!
Love my life and my boys...ok and the naked princess too!!! :)
AHHH I changed her sheets TWICE today because she seemed to do it multiple times today!!!
She frustrates me!!!
Tonight she is sleeping with her sleeper inside out hoping that she stays dressed...my fingers and toes are crossed!!!
On a side note...tomorrow I'm taking my boys to skate with the Canucks!! We are suppose to see Kelser, Burrows, Schneider, Raymond & Hodgson....and right after taking them to a Giants game...its a saturday FILLED with hockey!!
Love my life and my boys...ok and the naked princess too!!! :)
Tuesday, 10 January 2012
New Years 2012
Well a new year has begun...Welcome 2012!! I sure hope this year will be a heck of a lot better than year!! Not to be ungreatful for 2011, but it sure wasn't a "great year"!! But I am thankful for a few things in 2011, it all wasn't bad...
1. My beautiful daughter turned 1!!!
2. I watched her grow and learn, walk, talk and turn into a complete diva!!
3. My oldest son turned 9 but might as well be turning 14, he's become so mature and helpful for his age!!
4. My little guy who turned 6 had a really crappy birthday week...poor guy had to get his tonsils and adneoids out just days before his birthday. Not sure who that was more tramatic for, me or him!!
5. I turned 31...not that I'm celebrating getting older but I'm not ashamed of it and am now officially in my 30's!!! I'm one of "them"!!
6. Best most awesomest thing to happen...I WENT TO VEGAS BABY!!! I finally go out of my shell and booked a trip for just me and my best friend...didn't care what the hubby would say...just told him I'm going and that is that!! Had such an amazing time and can't wait to go back!!!
This went a little down hill the last half of the year...hubby and I are NOT on great terms...well lets be honest we are splitting up...totally sucks!! I still don't believe it (and it was my decision!!)...I keep hoping that something miraculous happens and things get worked out...but I always have been a dreamer!! Our relationship status basically put a big black cloud over EVERYTHING!!.....
So moving forward...Hello 2012!!!!
I hoping this year will bring happieness and joy for myself and my family and friends!!
So many goals/resolutions....
1. Obviously get into shape (not just lose weight)...I know I know cliche as everyone has this goal...but one of these days it will happen!!!
2. Increase my income....going down to part-time daycare is just NOT going to cut it!!
3. Hubby is moving out Feb 1...so I hope that I can make this as pleasant as possible for the kids!
4. Plan another vacations...with and without the kids
Thats just a few I think my goals are pretty simple and do able...so here goes nothing....I'm jumping in show me what you got 2012!!!
1. My beautiful daughter turned 1!!!
2. I watched her grow and learn, walk, talk and turn into a complete diva!!
3. My oldest son turned 9 but might as well be turning 14, he's become so mature and helpful for his age!!
4. My little guy who turned 6 had a really crappy birthday week...poor guy had to get his tonsils and adneoids out just days before his birthday. Not sure who that was more tramatic for, me or him!!
5. I turned 31...not that I'm celebrating getting older but I'm not ashamed of it and am now officially in my 30's!!! I'm one of "them"!!
6. Best most awesomest thing to happen...I WENT TO VEGAS BABY!!! I finally go out of my shell and booked a trip for just me and my best friend...didn't care what the hubby would say...just told him I'm going and that is that!! Had such an amazing time and can't wait to go back!!!
This went a little down hill the last half of the year...hubby and I are NOT on great terms...well lets be honest we are splitting up...totally sucks!! I still don't believe it (and it was my decision!!)...I keep hoping that something miraculous happens and things get worked out...but I always have been a dreamer!! Our relationship status basically put a big black cloud over EVERYTHING!!.....
So moving forward...Hello 2012!!!!
I hoping this year will bring happieness and joy for myself and my family and friends!!
So many goals/resolutions....
1. Obviously get into shape (not just lose weight)...I know I know cliche as everyone has this goal...but one of these days it will happen!!!
2. Increase my income....going down to part-time daycare is just NOT going to cut it!!
3. Hubby is moving out Feb 1...so I hope that I can make this as pleasant as possible for the kids!
4. Plan another vacations...with and without the kids
Thats just a few I think my goals are pretty simple and do able...so here goes nothing....I'm jumping in show me what you got 2012!!!
Welcome to my Blog!!
Hi There!!! Thanks for stumbling upon my blog...I'm new to blogging so not sure I actually have anything interesting or witty to say, but I have so many thoughts running through my head I thought this would be a great place to put them down!! My virtual diary if you will....obviously I'll keep names hidden to protect others...or to protect myself lol!!
So a little background...I'm a mom to 3 children biologically and 1 step-child. Yes so that makes me the matriarch of a 4 child household...challenging to say the least!! From the 4, two are girls and two are boys. Ten year old girl, 9 year old boy, 6 year old boy, and my little princess is almost 2!!
For the most part I'm a stay at home mom, but that does not mean I sit on my a** all day eating bon bons watching my "stories"!!! I am probably busier now than I ever was working full-time out of the home! I run a part-time daycare in my home, use to be full-time but I've brought it down to just part-time, and let me tell you its heaven!!
We are a HUGE sports family...my 10 year old step-daughter plays soccer in the fall (rep level) and softball in the spring (hoping for Rep level this season!!), my 9 year old son plays ice hockey in fall/winter and this year will be trying out Box Lacrosse, my 6 year old son also plays ice hockey in the fall/winter and also will be trying out Box Lacrosse this spring season. My boys both use to play baseball up until this year but have now argued their way into trying Box Lacrosse...thats a whole other post all on its own!!!
Due to the fact my kids are so big into sports their mom must be too!! So....I am the League Manager for 2 divisions in hockey for 8 Associations (over 60 teams)...an extremely thankless job but I'm pretty good at it!! This year I also took on the Team Manager position for my 6 year old's team...not sure how I got roped into that but I did...I think I'm staying a float but its alot of work!!
Now as for the "hubby"....he I'm sure will be subject to many of my posts whether they be good or bad! Him and I have been to hell and back....and seem to be revisiting hell again these days. Hopefully this blog will help me get out my vents & frustrations making me have a better insight to situations at hand. He is a sales rep for a very BIG reputable company (trust me if I told you the name YOU WOULD know it!!)....so because of this position he gets to work from home ALOT....which some days is great! And other days its like a prison sentence!!!
So thats my life in a nut shell (if it could fit into a nut shell)!!
Thanks for reading and stay tuned for my next posts.... :)
So a little background...I'm a mom to 3 children biologically and 1 step-child. Yes so that makes me the matriarch of a 4 child household...challenging to say the least!! From the 4, two are girls and two are boys. Ten year old girl, 9 year old boy, 6 year old boy, and my little princess is almost 2!!
For the most part I'm a stay at home mom, but that does not mean I sit on my a** all day eating bon bons watching my "stories"!!! I am probably busier now than I ever was working full-time out of the home! I run a part-time daycare in my home, use to be full-time but I've brought it down to just part-time, and let me tell you its heaven!!
We are a HUGE sports family...my 10 year old step-daughter plays soccer in the fall (rep level) and softball in the spring (hoping for Rep level this season!!), my 9 year old son plays ice hockey in fall/winter and this year will be trying out Box Lacrosse, my 6 year old son also plays ice hockey in the fall/winter and also will be trying out Box Lacrosse this spring season. My boys both use to play baseball up until this year but have now argued their way into trying Box Lacrosse...thats a whole other post all on its own!!!
Due to the fact my kids are so big into sports their mom must be too!! So....I am the League Manager for 2 divisions in hockey for 8 Associations (over 60 teams)...an extremely thankless job but I'm pretty good at it!! This year I also took on the Team Manager position for my 6 year old's team...not sure how I got roped into that but I did...I think I'm staying a float but its alot of work!!
Now as for the "hubby"....he I'm sure will be subject to many of my posts whether they be good or bad! Him and I have been to hell and back....and seem to be revisiting hell again these days. Hopefully this blog will help me get out my vents & frustrations making me have a better insight to situations at hand. He is a sales rep for a very BIG reputable company (trust me if I told you the name YOU WOULD know it!!)....so because of this position he gets to work from home ALOT....which some days is great! And other days its like a prison sentence!!!
So thats my life in a nut shell (if it could fit into a nut shell)!!
Thanks for reading and stay tuned for my next posts.... :)
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